The Beatles have completely transformed popular culture in the United Kingdom. They gave us songs and ideas that we still refer to in our everyday life.
How many artists and marketers have been influenced by the iconic crossing photo on the Abbey Road album? The photo itself has launched many rumours and conspiracy theories at the time. Why was Paul McCartney barefoot? Is there a meaning behind the different outfits chosen for the shot? The list of creative theories is long as fans can be extremely imaginative!
But the cultural influence of the Beatles goes much deeper than an inspirational photo. They represented the British rock ‘n’ roll and the incomparable Merseybeat that has appealed to fans all over the world. Their emergence coincides with the decline of conservatism in Britain, marking a sociocultural turn in the post-war UK. They also help drive new fashion trends throughout the years, from the moptop of the early 1960s to the loose and vibrant late 1960s hair and clothing styles.
Their songs are cross-generational, and the band still gets new fans, more than 50 years after its separation. There’s a reason why the Beatles have a lasting impact on the world. They represented a real and relatable cultural movement. So it makes no surprise that many of their songs are still meaningful today.
Hey Bulldog, the pop-rock song used in Yellow Submarine, is one of the prime examples of the deep influence of the band. As John Lennon sings on the record:
You can talk to me
[…]
If you’re lonely, you can talk to me.
Behind its rock beat and overall playfulness, the song is something that every parent looks up for inspiration. We’ve all been in a situation where we’ve tried to communicate with a child. Communication is not easy even though it’s part of human nature. Telling others what we feel and think forces us to acknowledge our emotions and expose them. More often than not, frustrated parents are left to wonder how they could channel their inner Hey Bulldog song to encourage children to talk. But if we want children to be comfortable talking to us, we need to make sure we give them all the communication tools they need from an early age.
Making words everyday friends
Communication is the process of putting your experiences into words. One of the most frequent obstacles to the communication between parents and children is the ability to identify the word that reflects the reality you are experiencing. Generational divides tend to appear when one generation doesn’t recognise itself in the everyday words used in the household. When it comes to teenagers and young adults, the desire to come up with new phrases is a sociological and psychological response. The adolescent needs to gain independence to grow and mature. Many choose to distance themselves from previous generations using new phrases and slang. In the process, they reach out to other, same-minded individuals who share the same lingo. Parents need to learn a new language to bridge the gap.
Every interaction needs both interlocutors to share the same understanding of the words. It is the responsibility of the parents to provide their children with all the vocabulary they need. While this vocabulary will evolve through life experience, from adolescence to professional jargon, parents and guardians create the communication foundation. That is precisely why reading is so important for children. Reading to your child and then encouraging them to read themselves, expose them to words that can describe their emotions and experiences. Additionally, reading also offers a context to each wor, showing them what sadness, courage, love and many other words mean.
Creating a talking routine
Every word can have more than one meaning. The first meaning is the definition you read in the dictionary. You know what sadness means. You’ve read about it in books. You’ve seen it in films. You understand how to use the word appropriately to label your emotions. Yet you don’t do it. You don’t talk about sadness because a little voice at the back of your mind keeps telling you that it’s a bad idea. This is the second meaning of the word. It is the subjective and emotional association we have with some words. More often than not, individuals who feel uncomfortable talking about their sentiments have observed the same behaviours from their parents. Perhaps the reason why you never mention your sad emotions is that your mother used to tell you off for doing so.
If you don’t talk about it, it’ll pass quickly.
Many of us have grown up hearing similar things from our parents – who presumably have heard the same from their own parents, and so on. Therefore, it’s important to create an environment where your children can discuss their emotions. They can only learn from you, so it’s time to use emotional language to describe what you are experiencing.
Teaching them to act upon their emotions
Putting words on your emotions is the first challenge. Reacting to your emotions is a different kettle of fish. Communication is not only verbal. It is physical too. It’s the way you choose to act and react. We’ve all tutted at young children screaming in the street, only to discover that their parents respond in a similar, decibel-loaded manner. Parents who shout at their children have children who shout too – it’s inevitable! As a parent, you act as a role model. Therefore, teaching your child to control their emotional response begins by showing them the right behaviour.
There is also specialist behavioural therapy, ABA therapy (Applied Behaviour Analysis), which can help teach positive responses to support your child’s development. It focuses on improving behaviours and reducing undesirable reactions.
Emotions are not funny
Toddlers are known for their over-the-top reactions. It’s not uncommon for young children to throw a tantrum for what would seem like small and immaterial reasons. When a toddler throws a roll-all-over-the-floor tantrum because they accidentally dropped their biscuit in the mud, it seems massively overplayed. However, the emotion is real. It does look like it’s the end of the world because, at that moment in time, it is in the perception of the child. Let us remember that young children have a simplistic vision and understanding of the world as a result of their age and inexperience. That lost biscuit was, without any exaggeration, the world to them.
For children to develop their emotional response sanely and safely, they need adults who are willing to understand them. Mocking children or humiliating them for a response they can’t control because they are biologically not emotionally mature is damaging to their individual development. It can also affect your communication. Why would someone want to talk to you when you poke fun at them?
You need to say you’re sorry
Nobody is perfect. Even as a parent, you can’t hold yourself to impossible standards of perfection. You will say or do the wrong thing from time to time. Sometimes you will lose your temper. You will reject your child’s emotional response when you’re tired. You will not listen when you’re stressed out. These things happen, and it is okay to get things wrong. Being able to apologise and explain to your child what you did wrong can make a great deal of difference. Children are intelligent and they have an instinctive understanding of injustice. Therefore, a parent who says they’re sorry for their mishap is someone who can be trusted. It’s a parent who acts fairly, and therefore they will feel safe talking to you.
Accepting silence as an answer
Do emotions always start the conversation? It’s a question worth asking yourself. When you are going through a lot, you need to experience the emotional journey before you can talk about it. We need to take a step back from a situation to be able to discuss it. Identifying and labelling your feelings isn’t something that happens as you go through the motion. It is something that happens when you have already felt it. As such, it is counterproductive to ask that your child describe their emotions at all times. They need to feel those to know what they are. That’s precisely why healthy communication should also include silence. The self-analysing process takes time. Trying to diagnose the feelings your child is experiencing could only confuse them.
Not forcing it
As the Hey Bulldog song goes, “you can talk to me”.
It isn’t you must talk to me or you have to talk to me. It is an invitation to the discussion. As a parent, you don’t have any right about your child’s emotions. You can’t force them to tell you what they feel if they are not ready to do so. The communication is neither fair nor safe if parents engage in emotional blackmailing or controlling behaviours to extort a confession out of their children. Sharing emotions is a matter of trust. If for whatever reason your child doesn’t feel they can trust you with their emotions, forcing them to talk is unlikely to meet a positive result. To paraphrase Lennon, “if you trust me, you can talk to me”.
Human beings are social creatures who need to communicate with each other. As a parent, you are the first person to provide your child with the tools to reach out and share their thoughts and emotions. It is a process that is built on respect, trust, and patience.
